Over half a million men and women in the UK (4 million in US) want an F.D.R. (Female Dominated Relationship) but very few will find a partner!
By Christine Fairclough
Definition. F.D.R. is the term used to describe relationships based on the staunch belief that the female is unequivocally the rightfully dominant partner all of the time and in all cases. It is a form of relationship that is growing fast and the last survey carried out on it suggested that over 200,000 relationships in the UK are F.D.R. with an even greater number of individuals (both male and female) wanting an F.D.R. relationship but unable to find one. This is mainly due to there being a 'taboo' amongst men of discussing F.D.R. for fear of it being confused with 'bondage' even though it is certainly NOT bondage or anything like it and in fact F.D.R. not being a sexually driven emotion at all. Equally, there is also a 'taboo' amongst women of discussing F.D.R.'s for fear of appearing sexist against males or not adhering to the morals of equality that they have been taught.
Dominance. In an F.D.R. relationship, the man automatically backs down in an argument with the woman although in most F.D.R. relationships the woman chooses to allow open debate (or constructive argument) but the moment the woman stands her ground, the man backs down. In short, she always gets her way on anything she chooses!
Dialogue. A staunch rule to ALL F.D.R. relationships is the total avoidance of the woman to use words like 'please' and 'thank-you' or 'can you' and 'will you' with emphasis instead on 'do this' and 'get me that now' etc. Far from a form of rudeness it is an important part of an F.D.R. relationship which forges the very base of F.D.R.ism. It conditions the man to respect the dominance of the woman but more importantly it nurses even the most timid women into F.D.R.. type dominence, sometimes without them even noticing the change in themselves. It is so important to people wanting an F.D.R. relationship that it is the first F.D.R. rule to be established in the relationship and usually starts from the first courting date.
Orders. The woman can give orders to the man but NEVER the other way round. The man must always obey any and every order given by the woman without argument or complaint so long as it does not break a law, does not break a rule agreed on within the relationship and does not hurt or upset anyone outside of the relationship. The woman can order the man to do anything as a punishment to him or as amusement to her and it must always be obeyed without complaint by the man so long as it does not break a law, does not break a rule agreed on within the relationship and does not hurt or upset anyone outside of the relationship.
Punishment. It is perceived as ethical in F.D.R. for the woman to punish the man (only if she wishes it) but never the other way around and it is this, more than anything else, that confuses F.D.R. with bondage but they are very different and not to be linked at all. Bondage is a sexually driven urge (usually of fantasy) by a man or woman and leads to a premeditated act (often including costumes and apparatus) which is a temporary pretending. Punishment in F.D.R. is 'tolerated' by the man and certainly NOT enjoyed and is driven by real annoyance by the woman rather than fantasy. Anyone who enjoys 'bondage' would be bitterly disappointed in a F.D.R. relationship as they could possibly wait a very long time for punishment if indeed it ever materialized at all. It is often the case in F.D.R. that the woman chooses to punish a man by totally non-physical means. It is however, understood by the man and the woman in all F.D.R. relationships that the woman has the right to punish (physical or non-physical) at any time if she so wishes. It is the woman's option, not the mans! The other obvious difference between F.D.R. and bondage is that F.D.R. is a genuine (and hopefully lasting) relationship whereas bondage is no more than a sexual act of deviance. Very few men or women in F.D.R. have desires towards bondage, nor do men or women liking bondage desire a F.D.R. relationship. They are quite simply not even similar!
Degradation of the female is strictly believed to be grossly wrong in F.D.R. but degradation of the male is believed to be wholly normal and ethical. This makes certain ground-rules in all F.D.R. relationships. For example, in all F.D.R. relationships, the woman is free to see male strip shows or other forms of male nudity whilst the man is strictly forbidden to see or participate in anything that degrades the female even if it is only watching something on the television. This may seem unfair but F.D.R. relationships are not based on fairness and it is this that makes them more likely to be lastingly successful than normal relationships but more of that will be explained later.
What is in it for the man? Men who want or enjoy F.D.R. relationships usually have a tendency to idolize or deeply love (usually both) a woman who has power over them and it is the elevation of their loved one by a F.D.R. relationship that plunges them into a deeper love than they would ever have for someone in a normal relationship. Many F.D.R. men express that the abandonment of the expectation of fairness (i.e. unfair rules) makes life simpler and the relationship smoother. There is a strong argument to support this. Equality and fairness are both thin lines and most disputes by couples in normal relationships are over what each partner believes fair or unfair which nearly always differ. Because F.D.R. relationships are 'purposely' unfair on the man and purposely biased towards the woman, the combustible topic of fairness never raises its ugly head and most men in F.D.R. say that once they are used to it they enjoy a smooth and peaceful relationship. There certainly must be something in it for the man as few men who enjoy a F.D.R. relationship ever want a normal relationship ever again.
What is in it for the woman? Firstly, a smooth and peaceful relationship (as described above in 'What is in it for the man). However, this is even more appreciated by the women in F.D.R. than the men. There do seem to be a lot of women who have experienced sexism, violence, volatile relationships etc who opt for F.D.R. compared to the amount in normal relationships and this is no doubt due to the absence of arguments in F.D.R.. There is also an unusually large amount of feminists in F.D.R. relationships although the reason for this is unknown. Surprisingly, few women in F.D.R. have expressed enjoying the extra power over their partner with the peacefulness/smoothness of the relationship being the most paramount enjoyment. Nevertheless, some women have described enjoyment at physically hurting their partners during moments of anger and many have even admitted this to their partners. Many women in F.D.R. stated that the possibility of punishment (even when never used) and the fact that only the woman can administer it with men strictly forbidden to retaliate or even complain is one of the factors that make F.D.R. relationships so smoother and even the women who emphasized giving a lot of tenderness in their relationship agreed that the one-sided possibility of punishment was a cooling factor. Whilst most F.D.R. men agreed with this, they still put the 'unfairness' syndrome (as described above in What is in it for the man) as the main reason for F.D.R. relationships being smoother. However, many women still acknowledged that the basis on unfairness made the relationship easier to understand and smoother. Some women described difficulty in getting used to enjoying the unfair bias favorable to them and difficulty in being assertive at the beginning of the F.D.R. relationship but all of these also said that the dialogue rule (see dialogue above) automatically made them assertive in a short time and that this in turn made them ignore or enjoy the unfair bias. Some said they experienced embarrassment about it at first but that it soon went away and was replaced by a strong fervent belief in the unfair bias system.
What sort of people are drawn towards F.D.R.? In regards to men, most people picture a frail little man when they think of F.D.R. and yet, if anything the opposite is true with the strong silent type being most common and a muscular or athletic build likely. As already mentioned, many women drawn to F.D.R. are feminists or women from previous volatile relationships although most are women who have experienced an argumentative relationship in the past and therefore want something guaranteed non-argumentative.
History The earliest recordings of FDR or cultures show a similar ideology go back to pagan ages when the Venus cultures, including the Celts held females in high esteem. The Latin influence of the Romans subdued and replaced much of it in the west with their culture of male dominence and a similar invasion of this culture later happened in the east under muslim. Recently aquired knowledge shows that early human culture held a very similar culture to FDR if not exactly the same and that it is what naturally comes to men and women if not indoctrinated or influenced by opposing culture. In other words, FDR is what comes naturally to us which explains why so few people who find themselves in an FDR relationship ever wish to move back to standard relationships. Even men (who certainly get the thin end of the carrot in FDR) are far happier than in standard relationships.
Why is it so difficult for FDR men and women to meet? They meet all the time but seldom know that the other is F.D.R. You probably meet at least one person every single day who wants an F.D.R. relationship . It has been only recently that it even had a name and the term F.D.R. has materialised rather than been designed. F.D.R. is not represented by any association and there are still people in permanent F.D.R. relationships that have not even heard of the term. Couple all this with the taboo nature of talking about it and it is no surprise that F.D.R. men and women find it difficult to meet F.D.R. partners.
If you have any questions on F.D.R. for reasons of study or simple curiosity, wish to swap e-mails with someone in an F.D.R. relationship or swap e-mails with someone who wants an F.D.R. relationship, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org for contacts or a free info pack (if available).
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